You ever feel lonely? But, at the same time, want nothing more than to be alone.

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I've been feeling lonely a lot lately.

I'm always surrounded by someone, though, and that frustrates me. Yet, I feel like I never get any time with friends. I have friends, and most of them are very good friends. Buuuuttt, I never have time to see them. Why? Because every moment that I could be spending with them is also a moment that my future mother-in-law could be burning down the house with a hotdog in the microwave.

I digress.

So, yeah, on one hand, I'm lonely, but on the other...

I want to fucking scream. I feel like I never have any peace. I'm always either around Adam (which I love, don't get me wrong, but sometimes I like space, too. We're always within a few feet of one another.), or I'm straining my ears to listen for something to go wrong with his mom, or I'm at work--where virtually everyone I see needs something from me.

Maybe that's it. I always feel like everyone around me needs or wants something from me. As a server, it's my job to do things for people. Take their order, get them drinks, get them condiments, get them napkins, get them straws, get them ranch, get them bread, take this back, this looks wrong how are you gonna fix it, etc. Then, I get home, and I have to take care of this woman (whom I love, but only met a year ago--yet I'm the only person since her dementia hit that is capable of keeping her happy and calm. To the point of she thinks that she is better now, because she isn't always upset since I've moved in.) and I have to cook, and clean, and there are two dogs that live in the room with us. One of them is constantly scratching at herself, giving herself rashes and making herself go bald, while the other chews up everything that I own. Including my glasses. Which sit upon my face right now, scratched up lenses, blue-snowflake duct tape and all.

Again, I digress.

I don't know. I guess I thought people were just being dramatic before, saying that they were lonely but wanted to be alone at the same time.

Turns out, they were telling the truth. And it's a fucked up way to feel.

Thanks for reading!!

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